


His Vessel

by wendywinchester (daisydixon)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Bisexuality, Blow Jobs, Castiel Talks Dirty, Dean Talks Dirty, Destiel - Freeform, Dirty Talk, Friends to Lovers, Gender Issues, Hand Jobs, Human Castiel, M/M, Men of Letters Bunker, Mutual Masturbation, Oral Sex, Sleepy Sex, genderless angels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-28
Updated: 2015-10-17
Packaged: 2018-04-23 19:04:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4888438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daisydixon/pseuds/wendywinchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas desperately wants Dean but feels guilty for choosing a male vessel. Dean learns to accept his attraction to another man. They make it work. Sexy times ensue. </p><p>Not a lot of gender identity issues are dealt with here, I just thought it would be an interesting way to explain why these boys waited so long before admitting their feelings. Not meant to set any examples or offend anyone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was late. The windowless library of the Men of Letters bunker was pitch black. The brothers had gone to bed hours prior. Cas stumbled in with a bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey in his hand. He had gone on a three week long bender. His cell phone's voicemail was full of unheard messages. His text icon had a three digit number flashing at him. Having only given his number out to two people, he could guess who they were from. He lost track of how many times he had stared at the screen, finger hovering over the dial button, too afraid, too ashamed to press it.

Cas knew he had screwed everything up. He misread the signs, saw what he wanted to see. The looks, the smiles, the touches. He mistook joking for flirting. Comradery for attraction. Friendship for love. He was foolish enough to believe that his pitiful emotions were reciprocated. He was angry at himself and at the world he now lives in. He needed to get away. To put as much space between himself and the person he couldn’t get off his mind. So he ran. And he drank. And he kept running and drinking until he ended up right back where he started.

Belly full of liquid courage he made his way through the darkness, bumping into furniture along the way. His hand ran along the wall as he walked. The hallway felt longer than normal. His footsteps echoed in the silence. The whiskey bottle slipped from his hand and fell to the ground and smashed to pieces, and Cas swore out loud. When he finally reached Dean's bedroom, the door opened before he could knock. Dean stood in the doorway shirtless but wearing pajama pants. He held a hunting knife in his hand, ready for a fight. “Cas?”

_Dean and Cas sat together on a sofa in the living area of the bunker. Chinese food containers covered the coffee table in front of them, all mostly empty. Sam had left to do more research for a case, and Dean was telling Cas embarrassing stories about previous hunts. Cas smiled as he listened, laughing when appropriate, not always understanding the jokes but still knowing they were funny. There was a moment when neither of them spoke, both men content in being in one another’s company._

_Dean had reached across Cas to grab a beer off the table, when the angel stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. They locked eyes and Cas boldly leaned forward, brushing Dean's lips with his own. Dean jerked back away from the contact. “Cas…” he warned._

_“Dean…” he answered and pushed forward again. He kissed Dean forcefully, one hand on the back of his neck. At first Dean sat frozen, but gave in after a few moments and started kissing him back. Cas moaned against him. He was encouraged by Dean's response and tried to push his tongue past his lips._

_At that moment Dean freaked out, pushing Cas off and away from him. “Stop!”_

_Cas sat back letting Dean stand up off the sofa. “I don’t understand, I thought…”_

_“You thought wrong!” Dean snapped and started pacing back and forth._

_Cas stood up but kept his distance. “I'm sorry. I don’t know what to say.” He looked down at the floor. “You kissed me back.”_

_Dean clenched his fists and turned his back to Cas. “Go,” he commanded. “Just go.”_

“Cas, where the hell have you been? I’ve been calling you, texting you.” Dean stepped closer to Cas and put a hand on his shoulder. He could smell the stench of alcohol coming off of him. “Let me guess, you drank another liquor store?”

“I’m sorry, Dean. I’m sorry. I chose the wrong vessel, I’m sorry.” His speech was slurred but Dean understood his words. 

“What are you talking about?” he asked but before he got an answer, Sam stuck his head out of his own bedroom.

“Everything alright?” Sam asked looking confused.

“Yeah, we're good. Cas is back.” Dean ushered the drunken angel into his bedroom. Sam waved and went back inside his own room. Dean walked Cas over to a chair and sat him down. “Now, what were you saying?”

“I chose the wrong vessel.” Cas answered, head in his hands. “I had so many choices. So many humans seeking a purpose. Praying to be used as an instrument of God.”

Dean sat on the corner of his bed across from where Cas was sitting, and waited for him to continue.

“Before I chose Jimmy I had tested another person. A woman. She was a college student, very beautiful, very devout. She did everything I asked of her. But a male vessel felt more… suitable.”

“Why do you think Jimmy was the wrong choice?”

“Because now I’m stuck in a body that you don’t want!” Cas tried to stand up but swayed on his feet. Dean jumped forward and held him upright.

“Stop, just stop it, OK? You are going to sober up, then you are going to read all of my texts which you obviously haven’t read yet, then we will talk. But for now, you are going to get some sleep. Got it?”

Dean pushed Cas onto his bed and took his shoes off of his kicking feet. “This isn’t my bed,” Cas whined.

“Just stay here and get some sleep.” Dean pulled a blanket over him and sat down in the chair. Soon Cas was snoring lightly. Dean tried to get as comfortable as he could in his chair before drifting off to sleep as well.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas finally goes through his messages. Dean talks to Sam. Bit of a weird layout here - I wasn't sure how best to include text messages.

Cas woke up tangled in bed sheets. He stretched out and opened his eyes, immediately recognizing Dean's bedroom. Still clothed, he sat up in bed and winced at his hangover headache. He pulled of his coat and suit jacket, tossing them onto the empty chair across the room. He reached for a bottle of Aspirin left for him on the nightstand, next to a full glass of water, his cell phone and a note. Read your texts, it said.

After downing some pills and finishing the water, he took his phone in hand and sat back against the headboard. He didn’t want to read whatever angry words Dean had sent him. To see how many times he rejected him, insulted him. But Dean didn’t throw him out last night. He let him sleep in his bed. Had gotten Aspirin ready for when he woke up. Maybe it’ll be OK. He stared at the messaging icon for a few seconds before he gathered enough courage to select it. 

3 texts from Sam. 109 from Dean. Three weeks was a long time, after all. Cas sighed and clicked Sam’s name first. The texts were spaced out evenly over the weeks.

\- Hey Cas, we could use your help on a case. 

\- Did something happen between you and Dean? I haven’t heard from you and Dean's moodier than usual. Check in with me, alright? 

\- Dean’s a mess. He’s drinking more and he’s taking dangerous risks on jobs. He won’t tell me what happened and you don’t have to either, but please come talk to him or something. I’ve tried but he’s in bad shape.

Cas switched over to Deans texts before he could lose his nerve. They started off badly. 

\- You know I’m not like that. You know I'm straight. Why would you do that?

\- We were having a good time, shooting the shit, and out of nowhere you do that?

\- How the hell can we be friends now? How the hell can we work together? I rely on you to back me up, to help me stop the world from going to hell. Now what am I supposed to do?

\- Are you going to answer me or what?

\- Maybe you should just stay away.

Cas scrolled through more similar messages over several days. A string of questions he could not answer. More cursing and thrown insults. The later in the evening they were sent, the less sense they made. He’s drinking, Cas thought. There was a 3 day gap where no messages were sent. The next one made Cas stop.

\- I’m sorry. Come home.

Cas was suddenly hopeful. Maybe he had been forgiven. Or maybe he was just too valuable a comrade to lose. He kept scrolling.

\- I shouldn’t have freaked out. We need you here. We'll figure something out.

\- I get that we have a different kind of friendship than regular people. I get that. Foxholes and purgatory and perdition and shit. You just caught me off guard. I'll get over it.

\- C'mon Cas, answer me.

\- Tell me where you are, I'll come to you.

\- Are you shutting me out? Answer me.

Cas hated himself for not checking his phone. He could have been back weeks ago. But instead he was scrolling past a dozen texts from Dean asking “Are you there?” over and over for a few days. They start to sound angry again. The time sent getting later and later into the evenings. He imagines Deans drinking alone in his room texting Cas in the dark.

\- WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!

\- What have you done to me?

\- I can’t sleep because I keep thinking about where you are. What you’re doing. If you’re dead or alive. Come home.

\- No, you know what? Stay the hell away from me.

Cas wanted to run out the door. To find Dean and beg for forgiveness. He made things so much worse. He should have stayed. Should have called. Should have checked his messages. He looked through more and more drunken texts. Some told him to come home. Some told him to never come back. He hit the bottom of the conversation and the last three messages filled his screen.

\- I’m going to stop trying to contact you. You’re not answering me. I don’t even know if you’re reading any of this. If you are, then you’ll call me if and when you want to. But let me say two more things to you:

\- I’ve never been worried this much about anyone other than Sammy.

\- I think that means I love you.

*******

Dean sat in the kitchen wearing his red plaid shirt and jeans, drinking coffee. He heard Sam’s door open and watched him shuffle in, heading to the coffee pot and pouring himself a cup. They sat together in silence and stared off into space. Sam finished off his cup and spoke up first.

“Cas looked pretty rough last night.”

Dean nodded and focused on the mug in his hands.

“Are you ever going to tell me what happened between the two of you?” Sam looked at Dean, waiting for an answer. Dean avoided eye contact.

“I had a meltdown. Said some things. But he’s back. For now, anyway.” 

“You’ve had meltdowns before.” Sam pushed. “This looked different.”

Dean took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He wanted to tell him. To ask for advice. But he was afraid of what his reaction would be. “He’s not Dad” Dean thought. He shut eyes when he spoke. “He kissed me.”

Sam stayed quiet, patiently waiting for Dean to continue. “He kissed me and I panicked. Yelled at him. Told him to leave.”

A long moment passed. “Can I ask you a question?” Sam asked softly. Dean nodded, keeping his eyes shut. “If Cas were a woman, would you have reacted the same way?”

Dean was confused and faced his brother. “What are you saying?”

“I’ve been by your side my whole life, Dean. You’re closer to Cas than anyone else I’ve seen you with. Crowley, Meg, a lot of people have cracked jokes about you two being a couple. Maybe they weren’t far off.”

Dean dropped his head into his hands. “You seem to be having am easier time wrapping your head around this than I am.”

“Yeah, well, I know you better than you know yourself.”

The two men heard footsteps coming down the hall and they both looked up at the entryway. Cas took one step into the kitchen and stopped. Shirt untucked, hair messy and phone in his hands. His eyes were bloodshot, from alcohol or tears or both. He swallowed visibly before speaking. “Dean?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas do some talking. And some kissing.

Cas looked at Dean across the room. He saw he was tense, shoulders hunched over, one hand gripping the edge of the table tightly. Cas anxiously waited for him to make a move. Uncomfortable silence stretched on.

“Dean?” Cas repeated, encouraging him to respond. Dean's eyes snapped downwards. He grabbed his coffee mug and got up, walking over to the kitchen sink and carelessly tossing the cup in. He put both hands on the countertop and leaned into them, head tilted forward and eyes closed. He let out a shaky breath and kept his back to the angel.

Sam cleared his throat and stood up from the table. “I’m going out. It looks like you two need some privacy.” He walked towards the bunker exit, pausing a moment to look over his shoulder. “Good to have you back, man.”

Cas stayed glued to his spot after Sam left. He didn’t know what to do or say. He didn’t want to make things worse. He didn’t know if that was even possible. He knew he needed to start talking. “Dean, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t read your texts. I’m sorry I didn’t call you. I’m sorry I disappeared. I’m sorry I kissed you…”

“Stop.” Dean spoke up and Cas fell back into silence. “It’s not your fault. None of this was your fault.” Dean opened his eyes and looked over his shoulder at Cas. “I fucked this up. I lied to myself. Ignored how I felt about you. For years. It was only a matter of time before it blew up in my face.”

Cas took a tentative step forward. “Did you mean what you wrote me?” he started a slow walk towards the hunter. “About being worried about me? About thinking that meant…” he reached where Dean was standing and stood within his personal space. “Thinking you love me?”

Dean tensed again but managed to give a slight nod. Cas reached out and nudged Dean's side, encouraging him to turn around. Once they were facing each other Dean gathered up the strength to speak again. “I can’t promise you that I won’t freak out again.”

“If it happens again, we'll deal with it.” Cas looked over Dean's features. He looked more ragged close up. He could see the few wrinkles around his eyes, and grey hairs in his beard, that he had developed over the years. Cas felt an overwhelming need to comfort the hunter, to take care of him. He leaned in so until their lips were almost touching. “Is this OK?”

“Yes,” Dean exhaled and kissed him lightly. Cas quickly took control, and soon they were chest to chest in a heated make out session against the kitchen counter. This time Dean allowed Cas to move his tongue against his own, allowed his facial hair to rub against his own. He surprised himself with the ease in which he followed the angel's lead. 

Dean didn’t know how long they kissed for. The kitchen counter pressing into his lower back gradually became painful. He pressed a hand against Cas's chest and ducked his head down to rest on the angel's shoulder. They caught their breaths and stood together in silence. 

Dean's stomach growled loudly and he smiled into Cas's shoulder. “Want some breakfast?” 

***

When Sam got back he popped his head into the kitchen, slightly worried about what he would find. He wouldn’t have been surprised if the two men had beaten each other to a bloody pulp. He also wouldn’t have been surprised to find them naked together on the floor. Instead he found them both sitting at the table with nearly empty plates. Cas was smiling as Dean told another one of his battle stories.

Sam walked over to the duo and pulled out a chair to sit down. “Everything back to normal?”

Dean looked nodded at Cas before turning to Sam. “Cas is staying here. With us.”

“Good. We could use the help.” Sam looked the two men over. Dean was putting on his act-like-everything’s-fine-even-though-its-not face which Sam learned to see through years ago. Cas was awkwardly fiddling with his hands while not making eye contact. He never had a good poker face. 

Sam didn’t push for answers. He knew he would find out on his own sooner or later. Hopefully Dean would come to him again like he did earlier that morning. Sam got back to business. “I think I have a hunt ready if you’re up for it. Three people dead in the next town over. Ripped limb from limb. Sounds easy enough.” 

“Don’t jinx it, Sammy.” said Dean. Within a few minutes the three of them piled into the Impala and were on their way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sexy times are on their way.
> 
> I definitely kept putting this chapter off, because I didn't know what to do with it. My main writing problem is that I have entire scenes mapped out in my mind, but I don't know how to string them together to form a cohesive story. This was one of those "filler" chapters. I'm working on improving.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a long day of hunting Dean and Cas end up in bed together.

Sam walked into the Men of Letters bunker late at night with Dean and Cas shuffling in behind him. Their clothing was stained with blood. Some of it was their own. Some not. Dean raised a hand and shielded his eyes from the florescent lighting. He paused and leaned against the large wooden library table for support. Cas reached an arm out to steady him, letting his hand rest of the hunter's shoulder. He gave it a comforting squeeze.

“’Night,” Sam muttered and walked off down the hallway towards his bedroom. His footsteps echoed through the building. His door creaked closed and the duo were left in silence.

Once they had some privacy, Dean stepped forward to close the space between them, and pulled Cas in for a tight hug. He tilted his head and gave him a short, sleepy kiss. Dean spoke quietly. “I’ve wanted To do that all day.”

“You could have,” Cas offered.

Dean shook his head and pressed more of his weight against the angel. “We never had a moment alone.”

Cas started running his hand over his back in small circles. “Does Sam know? About us?”

“Yes,” Dean answered, then shrugged. “Yes and no. I told him why you left. I didn’t tell him why you came back. But still, him knowing about it is different than him seeing it.”

A quiet hum was the only response he received. They stayed quiet long enough for Cas to think Dean was falling asleep. “Dean? It’s late.” Dean grunted but didn’t move. “Sam went to bed. Shouldn’t we as well?”

Dean pulled away from the embrace while nodding. “C’mon,” he said as he headed towards his room. Cas followed behind him, expecting to be brought to another bedroom which he could call his own. But instead Dean entered his own room and left the door open behind him. Cas stayed standing in the doorway.

“Shut the door,” Dean said and started stripping off his clothing. Cas did as he was told and copied Dean's actions. Once Dean was down to a t-shirt and boxers he looked over to see Cas standing in his underwear and unbuttoned dress shirt, unsure of whether or not to remove it. Dean went to his dresser and dug out one of his old t-shirts, and tossed it to Cas. “Put that on.”

Shortly thereafter the two men lay side by side on their backs in Dean's bed, blankets pulled up to their waists. Cas looked over Dean's prone body in the darkened room. He wanted to pull him over and kiss him. He wanted to strip them both naked and lay together, bare skin against skin. He wanted them to cuddle in their sleep. But he also wanted Dean to take the lead.

Cas turned onto his side towards Dean. He smiled when Dean turned his head and met his eyes, then shyly dropped his gaze. Dean grunted and shook his head. “I feel like some green teenager who’s never had anyone in his bed before.”

Dean's hands gripped the sheets tightly as he tried to push back his nerves. He met Cas's eyes again with a determined look and leaned over the angel, kissing him hard. He pushed on Cas's shoulders until he was on his back again, and held him down as they kissed passionately. Cas tried to reach a hand up to Dean’s hair, but Dean grabbed his wrist and pinned it above his head. 

Cas whined and struggled a little, not used to letting someone else have such control over him. He felt conflicted as his mind told him to push Dean off, but his body was turned on. His skin flushed but the color was hidden by the darkness. He felt himself start to get hard and he bucked his hips up towards Dean.

As soon as Dean felt Cas's erection rub against his leg, he pulled away from the kiss, startled. He sat up in bed, edging away from the other man, looking away. He suddenly needed it all to stop. He turned his back to Cas and dropped his head in his hands. “I'm sorry. I just… I just need a minute… I just…” Dean rambled, not knowing how to explain what he was feeling.

“It's OK. We can stop.” Cas sat up behind Dean, but kept his distance from him. He saw his shoulders shake a little. He carefully scooted closer to him. The bed creaked as he moved and he saw Dean's head tilt slightly to the side. Once his chest was against Dean's back, he gently wrapped his arms around him. Dean stiffened at first, but then relaxed against him.

“It's late,” Cas whispered into Dean's ear. His voice was low and soothing. “Let's get some rest. We'll talk about it in the morning.”

Dean nodded and the two men lay down together. They were close together but the only physical contact was one of Cas's hands resting lightly on Dean's shoulder. They both relaxed and quickly let their exhaustion from the day's events take over them, drifting away to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise sleepy morning sexy times in the next chapter.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleepy morning sexy times.

Dean woke up the next morning feeling warm and content. He lay on his side with one arm curled over a figure which he knew was Cas, even before his memories of the previous day filled his mind. He could tell from his position that he was spooning the other man, which he would have never imagined doing a few months ago. Dean's knees bent behind Cas's. Chest against back. They fit together perfectly.

Cas shifted in his sleep and his ass bumped against Dean's groin. A jolt of pleasure shot through Dean. He only now realized he had a morning erection. He tightened arm’s his hold around Cas's waist and ground his hips against the sleeping angel, seeking warmth and friction. Dean placed a wet kiss on the back of Cas's neck. The sleeping man didn’t respond. Dean knew he should have felt guilty for taking his own pleasure without Cas even knowing, but instead he felt free to act without doubt or fear.

Dean kept a slow, lazy rhythm while he gently thrust against Cas. The covers were pushed lower down their bodies from the movement. Dean’s skin still felt warm. His boxers were too rough, rubbing against his sensitive dick. He reached down with one hand to pushed them out of the way and gave his dick two firm strokes. He turned his head into his pillow to try and muffle his soft pants and grunts of pleasure.

Dean pulled Cas’s hips tighter against his own and started bucking his hips in earnest. He felt Cas's body tense and he paused, willing the man to stay asleep, but instead a hand reached back and squeezed his hip. “Dean?”

Neither of them moved for a few beats. Dean feared what Cas would say or do next. He expected him to be angry, furious even. He was surprised when Cas instead reached father down behind him, grasping Dean's dick firmly in his hand. He stroked him once. “Let me? Please?”

Dean grunted in response and Cas turned over so they were facing each other. Cas started pumping him steadily while keeping his blue eyes locked on Dean's green ones. Dean reached over and placed a hand on the side of Cas's neck. His thumb moved back and forth over his jawline. Cas watched wide eyed as Dean shuttered in pleasure, his breath catching in his throat.

“You look beautiful like this.” Cas whispered. Dean's eyelids fluttered closed as he reached his peak. He groaned long and low as he came, spilling his come in waves over Cas's fist. His body trembled with aftershocks, and Cas continued to stroke him through it all. Dean swatted Cas's hand away when he couldn’t take anymore friction. Cas watched him in amazement. “So beautiful.”

When Dean opened his eyes he saw Cas with his underwear pulled off, come-covered hand now working his own dick in earnest. Dean returned his hand to Cas's neck and pulled him close so their lips were nearly touching. “That’s it, Angel.” Dean encouraged. “Do you want to come? Would you like that?”

Cas squeezed his eyes shut and furrowed his brow. He nodded and Dean smiled. He loved dirty talk. Apparently so did Cas. “Not yet. I’m going to count down. When I get to zero, then you can come. 5…” Cas whined as he stroked himself. “4…” he moved his other hand to his balls and rolled them in his palm. “3…” Dean tilted his head to get a better look. “2…”

“I can’t…” Cas begged but Dean shushed him.

“Almost there. 1…” Dean looked him over one more time before he dove forward and kissed Cas hard, pushing his tongue into his mouth. Cas came on contact, his shouts silenced by kisses. He shook violently and Dean held him close, whispering comforting words in his ear. They both felt Cas's sticky come spread between their bodies. Dean expected to feel an initial disgusted, but didn’t. 

Once Cas caught his breath, he spoke up. “That was a big difference from last night’s reaction.” 

Dean hummed in agreement and collapsed backwards on the bed. He heard Cas walking around the room, opening and closing drawers. He didn’t hear the door open until Cas had already stepped outside of the room. He did hear Sam's voice immediately. “Cas! Put pants on before you walk around out here!”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas butt heads.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another write-something-angsty-so-these-guys-arent-just-having-sex-all-the-time filler chapter.

Dean and Cas sat in front of laptops on opposite ends of a large wooden table in the bunker’s library. Dean browsed through online newspapers, searching for strange headlines, bookmarking pages to show Sam later. The world seemed unusually calm. Good for the world, but it was making Dean restless. 

He occasionally would look across to Cas and see him staring intensely at his screen, or typing painfully slow with one finger. Dean had taught Cas how to use Google a few years ago, after getting tired of answering his abstract questions about bees and flowers and a hundred other things he didn’t care about. Ever since then, Cas would get caught up in some meaning of life question and spend hours online going down the rabbit hole of information.

“What are you working on?” Dean asked after closing his laptop.

Cas jumped slightly in his chair at the sound of Dean's voice. “Research,” he answered.

Dean was instantly suspicious. “Care to elaborate?”

Cas shrugged. “Relationship research.”

Dean got up and walked over to stand behind Cas. He was logged into some forum site Dean hadn’t seen before. He read the title of the first post out loud. “Advice for entering into a gay romantic relationship with a previously closeted partner prone to anxiety attacks.” Dean looked at Cas incredulously. “That’s really fucking specific.”

“It's a very popular thread. There are many couples struggling under circumstances similar to ours. It's been a very interesting read. Very helpful.” Cas smiled up at Dean, looking very proud of himself.

Dean shook his head as uncontrolled rage pulsed through his body. He slammed a hand down on the table in front of him. The sound echoed in the large room. “None of those people know what our circumstances are, Cas. None of them are hunters. None of them have to save the world every fucking week. None of them spent decades being tortured in hell. None of them know what’s going on in my head!” Dean stepped back and ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t want to talk about this right now.”

Cas tried to keep his voice calm as he spoke. “Open communication is the most important element of a successful relationship, Dean. The forum says…”

“Not now, Cas!” Dean barked and walked off to his bedroom. A minute later he came back into the library, now wearing his jacket, and walked past Cas towards the main entrance. “I'm going for a drive.”

*******

Nearly an hour later Dean was sitting in the Impala, parked on a dead end road, drinking a terrible cup of coffee. He had only driven a few miles away from the bunker, but it was enough to give himself some space to think. 

He didn’t know why he yelled at Cas. Dean knew he was only trying to help. He didn’t even ask about what suggestions the forum made. Just acknowledging the fact that he had issues to work out put him on edge. He was fiddling with the radio when he heard his phone beep.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and saw a notification for a text from Cas. He took a deep breath and tapped the messenger icon. 

Cas: Are you coming back?

He waited until he finished his coffee before typing back a reply.

Dean: Yes. 

Cas: I love you.

Dean should have happy to read those words, but instead he felt like shit. He didn’t know how Cas could put up with him after Dean consistently let him down. He didn’t want to leave Cas waiting for a reply, so he hastily typed one out.

Dean: On my way.

He started the Impala and started driving back in the direction of the bunker. He knew a long conversation about wants and needs and feelings was ahead of him. He knew he wouldn’t have any good answers to give. But he was determined to try. He hoped that was enough.

*******

Dean entered the bunker and tossed his jacket onto the nearest chair. He didn’t see Cas or Sam anywhere. He walked quietly through the building, looking around. He walked into the living area and found Cas sitting on the sofa, laptop open on the coffee table in front of him. 

Cas turned his head slightly as Dean stepped closer, but didn’t say anything. Dean sat down next to him, close enough so their knees were touching. “I'm sorry,” he grumbled.

Cas stared straight ahead at the computer. “You can’t just leave every time you get upset.”

Dean nodded in agreement. “Are you still researching?”

“Yes.”

Dean leaned closer and rested his head on Cas's shoulder. “Go over it with me? If you think it’ll help. I’m ready to listen.”

They sat together and discussed everything Cas had learned. Dean asked questions here and there, but Cas did most of the talking. They did need better communication. They did need to argue without either one of them walking out. They agreed on which points were the most important, and which ones didn’t apply to them. 

When Dean had enough talk he pulled Cas close and kissed him. Cas tried to speak again but Dean wouldn’t allow him. Cas quickly gave in and they lay down on the sofa together, hands exploring each others bodies. Dean pulled back a bit and tried to sound sexy as he spoke. “We have too many clothes on.”

Dean tried to pull up Cas's shirt, but his hands were swatted away. “Your brother might walk in.” Cas got up and walked towards their bedroom, and Dean eagerly followed behind him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So much smut. Really. I regret nothing.

Dean shut the bedroom door behind them and pulled off his shirt. He was kissing Cas a moment later, one hand in the angel's hair and the other on his hip. Cas ran his hands over Dean's chest and back, enjoying the feel of his bare skin. Cas raised one hand to his collarbone and rubbed his thumb over the protection tattoo which stood out prominently on Dean's pale, freckled chest.

Dean moved to suck on Cas's neck, making him tilt back his head and struggle to catch his breath. He tried to speak with a shaky voice. “Dean… T-Tell me what you want.”

Dean growled and ground their hips together. Both men were getting achingly hard. “Anything. Whatever you want.”

“No…” Cas interjected and put both of his hands on the sides of Dean's head, pulling him down so their foreheads were touching. “Specifically. Tell me what you want.”

Dean was quiet for a few moments, but then chuckled to himself. “I really want a blowjob.” He closed his eyes, a little embarrassed of himself. “It's been awhile since I've last gotten one.”

Cas nodded and reached between them. He unbuckled Dean's jeans and carefully lowered the zipper over his erection. He pushed his pants and underwear down his legs and Dean stepped out of them, leaving him completely naked and on display for Cas to see.

He looked the man up and down until Dean became visibly nervous, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Cas reached forward and put a hand on Dean's hip. He turned them around until the backs of Dean's knees were against their mattress. Cas pushed him back until he was sitting at the edge of the bed, looking up at Cas, trusting him to take the lead.

Cas put one of his hands on each of Dean's knees and gently pushed them apart, kneeling in front of him once there was room. Dean's nerves were at an all time high looking down at the fully clothed man kneeling in front of him. He had done this countless times before with women, but somehow a man was different.

Dean moaned when Cas reached out and grasped his dick firmly, giving it a few slow, even strokes. Cas's blue eyes stared up at him and as much as Dean wanted to, he couldn’t look away. Cas didn’t waste much time and soon he leaned forward, taking the tip of the other man’s cock into his mouth. Dean instinctively rested a hand on the back of Cas's head and gasped out loud at the feeling.

Cas felt encouraged by the reaction and started bobbing his head, taking in a little more of Dean's dick with each movement. He tried to move his tongue along the underside of it as well with every stroke. Although he was inexperienced Cas tried his best to give Dean whatever felt good. He ran one hand along his inner thigh and felt the muscle flex under his touch. He ran the back of his other hand gently over Dean's balls, feeling the weight of them. 

He knew he was doing well when Dean started bucking his hips, thrusting upward to try and go deeper. Cas had to pull away for a minute to catch his breath, but Dean whined and put pressure on the back of Cas's head, inching him closer. 

The short hair against Dean's hand felt strange. He was used to grabbing a handful of long hair and pulling a woman closer, but he couldn’t do that with a man. Normally this thought would have freaked him out a little but right now all Dean could think about was getting Cas's mouth back on his cock. He was going to tell Cas to hurry up when he heard him speak in his usual gravelly voice.

“Are you going to come for me Dean? You’re beautiful when you come.” 

Cas's attempt at dirty talk worked and Dean nodded his head furiously, pulling Cas's head back down. He took him in and sunk all the down to the base, holding him in the back of his throat, before sliding back up and sucking him hard. Dean let out a low continuous groan as Cas did this a few more times. Then as Cas deep throated him once again, Dean's legs shook and he came long and hard, shooting his semen deep down Cas's throat. 

Cas tried hard not to gag but his eyes teared up as Dean's cock pulsed. He kept his nose pressed against Dean's abdomen and swallowed everything Dean gave him. Dean collapsed back onto the bed. His legs still hung over the side as his body continued to shudder. Cas pulled away and tried to catch his own breath while sitting on the floor. 

“Holy fuck… so good… Cas that was… so fucking good... c'mere Angel… Cas c'mere…” Dean rambled on the bed and Cas stood up, walking over to the side Dean was closest to. “Take that off… take that off and come over here.”

Cas stripped off his clothing until he was also naked, and climbed into bed. He lay on his back next to Dean. His thick cock lay erect against his belly. Dean straddled his thighs and sat back, looking down at Cas. “I saw stars, Angel. That’s how fucking good that was. That’s how good I’m gonna make you feel.”

Dean's cheeks were flushed and his pupils were blown wide. He looked high and Cas smiled, proud that he could make the hunter look like such a mess. Dean reached forward and took Cas's cock in his hand. He position had him sitting high enough that it was as if he was stroking himself. He pumped Cas a few times before ducking his head forward and letting a gob of spit drop onto his hand, and Cas's cock. Cas was momentarily offended and grunted in disgust, but soon relaxed again when he felt Dean's fist slide more easily with the lubrication.

“So…” Dean asked with a cocky grin. “Tell me, Angel. What do you want?”

“I like this. Stay like this.” Cas locked eyes with Dean and parted his lips a little as he lay prone, allowing Dean to do as he wished. 

“Hmm do you like it fast?” Dean sped up his strokes and Cas could hear the slippery wet sounds of his cock being stroked get louder. “Or slow?” Dean's hand slowed and gave lazy strokes, twisting his hand when he reached the tip.

Cas moaned and struggled to keep his eyes open. He moved his hands so the rested on Dean's thighs, keeping him in position. “S-slow.”

“OK, let's take our time then.” Dean kept his lazy pace while Cas watched in silence. Dean ran his other hand along Cas's ribs and stomach, admiring the other man's body. He amazed himself at how much he took pleasure in it. He traced the lines of Cas's tattoo with one finger. 

Dean saw Cas tense up for a moment, then relax again. He could see the pleasure slowly start to build; see Cas struggle to stay in control over it. Dean shifted positions so they were almost chest to chest. Dean supported himself on one arm and brought his lips close to Cas's ear. “Want me to talk you through it, Angel?”

Cas's eyelids fluttered closed and he nodded. Dean knew he was going to enjoy this. “I bet you’re feeling good, aren’t you Angel? You’re feeling the tingle start to grow in your belly? Maybe your muscles are starting to feel tight?”

Cas inhaled a shaky breath and nodded again. “You like the way I’m gripping you tight, don’t you? Like how slippery my hand feels? How I’m twisting a little over the head of your cock? You’re leaking all over me.”

Dean felt Cas’ shift a little beneath him. He hands squeezed Dean's thighs tighter. “That’s it, Angel, get comfortable. I want this to be good for you. It does feel good, doesn’t it? My hand on your cock. It feels so warm, so heavy, so full.” 

Cas slid one hand up to Dean's waist. “That’s it. Touch me. Whatever you need, Angel.” Hands started gliding over Dean's arms, his thighs, his ass. “I bet your skin's starting to feel warm, hmm? Starting to feel flushed? Do I feel warm, Angel?”

Cas gave another shaky nod and lightly thrust his hips upwards. “I know, I know you want to move. Instincts are taking over, hmm? Telling you to thrust? Telling you to fuck? But you and I are going to keep taking things nice and slow, OK?” 

Dean sucked on the side of Cas's neck, making him let out a soft whine. Dean bit him lightly before nuzzling him again. “Angel, my hand is getting tired. Do you mind if I stop for a minute?” 

Cas let out a panicked “No!” and Dean smiled into the crook of Cas's neck.

“Shh I wouldn’t do that to you. Not when you’re so close. You are close, aren’t you Angel? Feeling really tight? I can feel you trembling underneath me. What about you’re cock, hmm? Feeling a little sore? You’ve been so hard for so long now. It’ll all be over soon.”

Cas entire body started to tense up. He started to shake. His moans got louder and louder. “Almost there. It’s gonna feel so fucking good, Angel. Every inch of you will be buzzing afterwards. I hope you don’t black out. I wouldn’t want you to miss it.” 

“Here we go, Angel. You’re almost at the peak. You’re going to make a mess everywhere, aren’t you? I can’t wait to see it. Are you ready?”

Cas was beyond the point of being able to speak clearly. His fingers dug into Dean's skin. “Come for me, Angel.”

Cas cried out and climaxed, shaking violently. Dean used his bodyweight to hold him down and continued to stroke him. “Good, good, there you go. Falling over the edge. Waves of pleasure washing over you. Keep coming. Keep falling. I got you. You’re doing so well. Don’t stop. Don’t stop. Keep falling.”

Spurt after spurt of semen shot over Dean's hand and Cas's chest. Cas's head was tipped back and his eyes were squeezed shut. A vein running along his neck was clearly visible. He shook uncontrollably. Dean kept talking him through it. “So good. So good. You should see yourself you’re so fucking beautiful. Keep falling. Keep coming. Don’t forget to breathe.”

Cas gasped for air and his eyes flew open, meeting Dean's intense gaze. “There we go, Angel. Come on down. It’s OK. I’m here. I’m still here. Deep breaths. There we go. It’s all over. You did so well. Came so hard for me. Nice and long and hard. I’m going to stop stroking, OK? I don’t want you to get too sore.”

Dean rolled onto his side so he was facing Cas. He let go of his spent cock and rested his sticky hand on the angel's stomach. Cas whined a little. “Shh I’m right here. You’re tired after that, aren’t you, Angel? It’s OK. Get some rest. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Cas's eyes closed without his permission. He was exhausted. Within seconds he had drifted off to sleep, with Dean by his side.


End file.
